I had a long, hard fight today. Armed with a set of electrical hedge clippers, protective gloves and a hand saw, I hacked my way through yards of thick clumps of brambles, with only one blackberry to show for it. The brambles were taller than me and had a habit of whipping back, scoring me with pink scratches.
I've been feeling a little down lately; what with my 'journey' becoming undefined. Meditation feels impossible, and every time I sit down, tuck my legs into lotus position and try to breathe, a knot the size of a hand grenade wells up tightly in my solar plexus and I start getting really angry. I knew my ego would fight back, but I didn't know it would be this hard. Last night, I utterly despaired at my own dishonesty, pretending I was on the road to becoming centered again, when really I am very lost.
But aren't we all? I gave up.
The brambles presented a problem. They were like the tangled knots of the past, tempting me to try to unpick them one by one. So much work would make anyone's head buzz. What appeared to be a week's worth of labour took me four hours. The slope was pretty steep, so my footing was constantly slipping and I needed to lift the heavy hedge trimmers over my head most of the time. But surprisingly, it was much, much easier than I though, if not a little tough on the arms.
I guess what I'm saying is that we make our problems our own. We complicate everything. We have no trust or belief in ourselves, when actually we can achieve many things. That's why yogis climb the highest mountains and cross the largest rivers - life is a constant test and everyday you can rise to a challenge.
Although I will say one thing. Giving up in trying too hard is definitely a sound move.